Is the decision to have a child one made with, logic or love?
If you haven’t seen the clip of Michael McIntyre talking about couples wanting children - you need to see it! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFQfylQ2Jgg)
With the first child it is definitely a decision of love and logic comes second. I remember seeing Luke with our puppy that we got shortly after we started seeing each other made me envision him as a Dad, he was so sweet with the puppy it made me see a completely new side to him. This is exactly how Michael McIntyre describes it, “Oh Darling, wouldn’t it be lovely to start a family, little versions of me and you running around, it would be so sweet, what a little fairytale” - this is exactly how people without children think. The wool is pulled over their eyes by every parent with an Instagram posting photos of all the good bits.
Deciding to have a second child is definitely logic first, it goes a little more like “Holy shit, are we ready for this again? Well, we’re still alive after the first and that’s the main thing, so why not”. Don’t get me wrong there have been moments of hysteria where I’ve really panicked about whether having a second so soon was the right thing to do and thinking we’re totally screwed, but for the most part, especially now she’s nearly here - it’s really exciting and I think it will be worth it even if it’s tough.
Without further ado here are my reasons of LOGIC towards why I’m knocked the F up:
First things first I’m 25 this year… and what gets worse with age? Well, pretty much everything but wine and cheese. But more importantly: being tired. A 25 year old can cope a hell of a lot easier with a sleepless night than a 30 year old. I’m sorry but it’s true. I could still be out till 6 and getting up for work at 7 at this age and living that wild party life - I mean, I don’t in any way shape or form wish I was but I think I could pretty much still hack it. With two children having had their first years of horrendous sleep over and done with by the time I’m 26 sounds fabulous. Under eye bags aren't a good look on anyone but I can guarantee they’ll look better on me at 26 than 30.
The sooner they're born the sooner it’s over. I know that sounds terrible and having children isn’t something to get over and done with but the sooner both children are grown up and at school and having sleepovers, the sooner we get to live our life. I want to throw myself into my work and have so many ideas for my business but I kept thinking, well what’s the point in advertising and building a substantial amount of regular clients if I’m inevitably going to take time off and let them all down! I’d rather smash the kids out now, completely dedicate myself to them while they need me the most and then focus on work when they’re at school. This also goes for our relationship as a couple, I don’t have it in me to go on long weekends away and leave them but eventually it would be nice to. And the sooner both kids are old enough where we feel comfortable going away for a few days the better! This also goes for date nights - Oscar was at a perfect age to have sleepovers and has been having them here or there, so I’d like to have another soon so the day they’re old enough for sleepovers comes around sooner! I think date nights are really important and we had one last blow out before trying for another and went out for dinners, had a few cocktails, went to the casino - just enjoyed ourselves before we started the whole journey again! (More so for me, because my fat ass can’t drink while pregnant and Mama misses the booze)
Speaking of trips away, another huge plus for me to have two close together was for the sake of trips. Disney. Centre Parcs. Family holidays. I think most families wait until their kids are of a good age where they’ll enjoy a holiday to Disney, tolerate the flight to Florida, enjoy the rollercoasters and more importantly be old enough to remember the holiday! I’m already feeling impatient enough as it is to take Oscar to Disney and the thought of having another child with a big age gap meant we would have to wait even longer until that one was old enough. And I’m not waiting 10+ years to go to the most magical place on Earth!!! I want them to both be able to go on the same rides and enjoy the same things. Not one parent stay with the young one on the baby rides and the other splits up and goes on the big ones. I want them both to ride bikes around Centre Parcs and be able to swim together on the rapids. I’m impatient as hell because those were the best memories of my childhood and I don’t want to wait longer than I have to to do them!!
Toys. Sharing toys. (Lol who am I kidding they won’t share they’ll be tantrums and snatching and whinging - but nonetheless) The multicoloured, musical, moving, shaking, dancing, noisy toys kids love and adults hate... will be out the house far sooner. Playmats and walkers, Jumperoos and highchairs. Get out my house! Go! Go! Take your cheap plastic coloured toys and go! Not only that but imagine storing that crap for three, four years waiting for your second child to use it all. Ours will be gonzo. Vamoosh. Outta here. Think of all the garage space. (LOL) Plus it’s all still in excellent condition and is still ‘the latest gadgets’. We haven’t got old, useless junk from the first baby and need to buy brand new walking, talking shiny, electronics for the second baby. It’s all here, modern, clean, working, high-tech! We haven’t had to buy anything! This bub just needs some nappies!
She also needs milk. Ahh breastfeeding. Assuming everything goes smoothly I’ll be breastfeeding this baby too. And maaaaaan does that not excite me one bit. I have loved and really appreciated having my body back since I stopped breastfeeding. 100% personal preference but I like having my boobs to myself. I can’t imagine now having Oscar grabbing at me and feeding still. I’m already excited for January 2020 to stop breastfeeding for the second time. Not so excited for the saggy state they’ll be in - but to have my body back. I’m so not buzzing to be bitten on my nipples by teething babies, feeding while I can barely stay awake at 3am for the millionth feed that night and trying to navigate lifting my shirt up to feed with pervy old men looking in cafes. I personally think the biggest motivation for me to breastfeed aside from the obvious health reasons for me and the baby- is to be lazy. It’s the best way for a lazy person to feed their baby. And I love being lazy. Other than that, it doesn’t overly excite me. Since stopping, I now so much more prefer cuddling Oscar and getting all cosy under a duvet or just having the biggest hug, or him running towards me shouting Mummy Mummy after a day at nursery. To me, those moments have meant more to me and been 10x more special than I’ve ever felt breastfeeding. It was sweet don’t get me wrong but I’ve since felt stronger emotions towards bonding with a toddler than feeding a baby!
I’m also excited never to be pregnant again (maybe... we’ll see). I mean yes it’s magical but the kicks (the nice gentle kicks) are probably the only part of being pregnant I enjoy. I feel fat, lethargic, unfit, tired. I can’t wait for it to be done and dusted and (I think) no more babies for me. No more births, c sections, being uncomfortable, looking enormous. I can focus on getting fit and healthy knowing this is the final body I have to work with. That it’s my own again and I can get slim and eat sensibly. I never saw the point in exercising and getting slim when I knew I was only going to get fat again with another child. And here we are, fat again. But so ready to get into shape when it’s all over.
Lastly, everything’s still fresh in my mind. I know how to care for a baby and what my game plan is going to be. When the sleep regressions are and how soon to buy this and when to do that. I won’t be left wondering ‘what I did with the last one because it was so long ago’ as I know exactly what happened because it was only two years ago. I’m still in baby-mode. I can still remember when to start weaning, what to do if a baby chokes, how to do baby led weaning, how to get your baby to sleep, how to stop breastfeeding. Granted, I can’t expect everything to be the same as they’ll be completely different babies but I’ll have a more than rough idea what the hell I’m doing!
I’m going to stop now with the cold hearted logic of a second child and bring us all to the love of a second child. Without the logic of a second child, I don’t think I’d be able to relax and enjoy a second child. If we weren’t in a position to have another and the timing was all wrong I’d be nervous for their arrival but due to the logic in our decision I’m nothing but excited! I’m prepared and have so many up-sides to the age gap that I’m feeling ready to power through and smash it!
I can not wait to have another child. I have never been so obsessed with anyone or anything in my life than I am with Oscar and I have no fears of that love changing for Oscar when another comes along as I’m so confident it will only grow.
It may sound like I’ve hated the baby years and can’t wait to get them over and done with but that’s coming from me as a selfish adults point of view, wanting to be human again. But me as a Mum, wow I can’t wait for so much. The exciting first moments all over again, weaning and the mess of baby led weaning. The cute outfits and little squeaks and noises newborns make. The feeling when it all starts to get better and your routine settles and you have the glimmer of hope that everything’s working out and you’re doing a good job.
Being a family. A big, happy, crazy family. My friend said to me the other day- you’ve got it all. The mum and dad, older boy, younger girl and the perfect little Labrador. And I thought God- I think she’s right! This is everything I’ve ever dreamt of and I’ve got it all by the time I’m 25. How rare is that? How lucky am I? Yes it will be difficult sometimes (stay tuned for a post listing the bits I’m bricking it about!!) but so, so rewarding.